my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
