i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
