her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
