Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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