At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
