i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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