didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
