after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Less talking, more tequila
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
