And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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