She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I met the friendliest cop last night
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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