Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
