Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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