Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
