Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
