I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My vagina just recognized that song.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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