ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
