Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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