my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
