I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
