Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
