im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
