Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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