I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
