Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
