i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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