I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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