My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
