We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
