ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
