She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
