New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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