If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
