I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
