well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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