Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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