I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
