omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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