google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
