I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
