i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
