I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
