just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
