Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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