yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
