Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
