If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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