I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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