He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
