so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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