I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
