uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
