U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
