My hand turned me down
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
